So, to report back after my DLP trip.
I had one solo day and then two days with my Disney buddy. I broke down crying the moment the CM asked me how I was doing when getting my
DAS pass (their equivalent). They have two versions of DAS pass, officially with the paperwork I have, I am entitled to their rides only pass. I asked for an exception to get the pass that includes shows. On my August trip I got a panick attack after being stuck in a crowd (crowd control was very poor that day), and I just didn't want to repeat that. The CM was very nice and gave me a one time exception. Which was really nice of her.
I probably broke down crying due to the stress, they changed the route from the airport to the train station at Paris Charles de Gaulle. My flight was a bit delayed and I had 60 minutes to get to the train. Which was absolutely fine. I normally handle travel stress quite well. I don't know why it was such a big deal this time. Winding myself up, I guess.
The DAS Pass came in handy because the weather was terrible, almost constant rain all day (my feet were soaked), so we basically hopped from show to show.
The trip part with my friend was good, she was tired from her busy work/life schedule, so she wanted to take things slow. We were there for the Christmas entertainment, which was limited this year. So the visit was relaxed.
The first solo day my mind constantly hopped from 'Yes, do a solo trip to WDW or DL!' to 'No, doing a solo trip will be a terrible idea, you are going to be miserable'.
My Disney buddy officially dropped out of doing a US Disney trip next year. Which I knew was probably going to happen, chances were small to begin with.
On one hand I am sad about this, because I do not know where else I would go on holiday at the moment. And sad that my depression gets in the way of vacationing (as in, I don't want to go anywhere and won't be able to enjoy it). On the other hand, it does make my decision easier. Hotels are too expensive for solo trips anyway.
Not in the best headspace now. I know it will pass, as it always does. It just wears me out.